I just wish I had enough of the canine language to say this to my dog:
OK, peeing in my bed at 1:00 AM just as soon as I go to sleep after driving through three states, and I have no spare waterproof mattress pad, and I have to be at work tomorrow morning?
I've been sufficiently punished for going away for the weekend. You can stop being evil now, you little ------------.
Bad dog. NO BISCUIT.